Some folks say that hindsight is 20/20, but I just think that what you don't pay attention at first can come back to bite you on the ass later. Trust me, I know. Remember a couple posts ago I was dealing with the whole "which boy do I like better" issue (refer to this link for a refresher)? Well thanks to a series of events that have occurred and that I should have accepted in the first place, I know that Poisonous is no longer a contender. He's beginning to get possessive and he's been talking to be any old kind of way. For example he occasionally likes to call me the "pretty girl with the crooked teeth", which is just as shitty as when Fraudulent used to call me the "pretty fat girl" back in the day. He constantly chastises my naivete and talks down to me like as if I was two as opposed to twenty two. He also tells me I'm too emotional and I cry too much. The icing on the cake was when I admitted to him that I'd been in therapy since January, to which he responded, "Oh...so you're crazy". So much for respecting a delicate subject. I suppose I can only expect but so much sensitivity from a guy who admits to taking joy out of screwing with people's minds. I wonder if he's just been playing one big mind game with me, just so he can get what he wants from me (I'm too grown for that "I'll still respect you in the morning" type bullshit). No wonder my intuition told me to turn down his invitation to boo-dom down twice.
I'm sure it sounds odd, but it's like me and my heart are on a game show and I have to pick between two prizes that are sitting behind two separate doors. Behind door number one is an all expenses paid trip to Bora Bora (with luxury accommodations of course), free NARS cosmetics and BLISS skincare for life, a Van Cleef & Arpels asscher cut diamond pendant with matching earrings and ring all set in platinum, a white 2007 Mercedes-Benz CL600 coupe, a five bedroom/five bathroom brick colonial with more closest space than I can shake a stick at, La Perla bras in a 38E (don't hate), calorie free cupcakes from Magnolia Bakery, a new pair of Christian Louboutin pumps every week for a year, $1 Billion untaxed, and some bomb ass head on a nightly basis. Fabulous right? Sadly what lies behind door number two isn't nearly as fabulous. Behind door number two is the consolation prize - a rusty, broken toaster. Poisonous, sadly, is that consolation prize.
The Editor asked me why I've still been dealing with this cat if he's treating me so crazy. The truth is that for years I've been so used to settling for the consolation prize that my mind is still registering the fact that I really do deserve better. Thankfully I'm able to see all the things wrong with Poisonous before it really got out of hand, mainly because according to my therapist I see things as wholes and not parts - I look at what the big picture is or could be instead of all the smaller events that lead up to it. The main point is that I don't have to deal with the mistreatment anymore, I'm worth more than just a broken down toaster. I'm finally ready for what's behind door number one...
Life, Love, & LipglossThe Beauty-ful Misadventures of *vanity kane*
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Posted by *vanity kane* at 9:29 AM
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