This is an entry that some people have seen already, but maybe someone else needs to read it...
It's a beautiful moment when you allow clarity & reason to overcome paranoia & insecurity. I've come to the conclusion that I should not have to prove myself to a man and give him reasons why he should be with me, but rather he should be the one with something to prove. Growing up without my father has conditioned me to believe that my needs come after the needs of my partner. I’ve spent too many sleepless nights and wasted too many tears wondering how I can improve or change in order to keep my man happy. As many times as I’ve tried to mask my emotions with a confident façade, I’ve always had this fear of men leaving me. Somewhere between my first boyfriend and my more recent “relationship” with Song Cry, I began to lose sight of my own happiness because I was so afraid of being alone. For that reason, I chose to stay within the false comfort of long term relationships instead of feeling brave enough to jump head first into the uncertainty that is the dating scene.
It’s time for me to make a change. I’m ready to take some much needed and well deserved time for myself. I considerate it to be a sin and a shame to have gone through as much as I have to finally take stock of my romantic future. Last semester Jénea told me about a sermon she heard where the preacher spoke on how the Bible tells us that as women it’s not our job to pursue a mate, but rather our mate’s job to pursue us. That being said I’ve decided that instead of molding my dealings with men into the fairy tale I’ve developed in my mind, I’m going to toss out all the “plans” I’ve made and leave it in God’s hands. Leaving Song Cry after seeing that he wasn’t reciprocating the royal treatment I was giving him was the first step in this process. From this day forward, I plan on perfecting the art of “self-seduction” – loving myself not to the point where I become conceited, but where I can fully allow myself to appreciate my own unique beauty and know my self worth. I’m proud to say that I feel brave enough to move forward with this after being in pain for so long.
The right man for me will love all my quirks and characteristics: my beauty, my sweet spirit, my ambition, and my spunk. I want a man to want to make love to my mind and body, not solely the latter. Marilyn met her demise while looking for love in all the wrong places. As much as I adore and admire her, I can’t allow myself to share the same tragic fate as her. I think I’ll channel this energy I’ve wasted over the years into something positive, like losing this last 15 pounds, finishing the business plan for my image consulting company, hell I might even catch up on some reading. In the meantime, if Broken Glass decides to come around he’ll be a VERY lucky man. If not, he’ll be the one missing out. Like Tweet once said, “Loving me means more than losing you.” A new day has dawned and the journey to loving myself has begun…
Life, Love, & LipglossThe Beauty-ful Misadventures of *vanity kane*
Monday, October 30, 2006
Hey there! Welcome to my little slice of cyber heaven. I’m a 21-year-old beauty junkie who’s just trying to figure out my life as I enter adulthood. I must say upfront that this isn’t going to be your typical beauty blog. I have a love for obvious aesthetic beauty and I have one too many shades of eyeshadow, but my passion is more than skin deep – I ultimately seek the beauty in honesty & self-acceptance, which ironically isn’t always such a pretty sight. My heart gets broken, I make mistakes, hell I do some dumb things (just ask the girls), but I’m living and I’m learning. So now, I’m opening myself up and inviting you to take this journey with me. I hope that in sharing my experiences I’ll be able to help another girl who may be dealing with some of the same issues. Of course, I’ll be sharing some beauty tidbits along the way. Again, I welcome you. Let’s get this thing started!vanity kane’s Guide to Casual Elegance:
Now, everyone who really knows me knows that while I love, love, LOVE makeup, I don’t like to haphazardly pile layers of it on. Fellow HU ladies please take note: caking on 3 inches of M*A*C Studio Fix just to go to your Intro to Sociology class does not make you more attractive. A fresh, chic look can be achieved with just a few of my all-time favorite products that only take a few minutes to apply:
1) The Lip Scrub by Sara Happ ($20) – I’m a bit fanatical about having soft lips, and I have tried just about every lip scrub, buffer, and polisher on the market but have not been satisfied. This little ditty not only gets the job done right, but it leaves my lips soft, supple, and oh-so-kissable. Plus, it comes in yummy flavors such as cinnamon sugar, almond crème, peppermint, and vanilla bean. http://www.thelipscrub.com
2) Rosebud Salve Lip Balm ($6) – I first found out about 114-year-old wonder balm back in high school and have been addicted to it ever since. This makeup artist staple soothes dry lips and serves as the perfect lip color primer. http://www.sephora.com
3) NARS Lip Lacquer in Butterfield 8 ($23) – A little thicker than lipgloss, this subtle pinky-brown enhances the natural color of my lips for a pretty, neutral vibe. It’s also less sticky than most lacquers out on the market right now. http://www.narscosmetics.com
4) L’Oreal Voluminous Waterproof Mascara in Black ($6) – I have naturally curly eyelashes, but I love the sweet yet sexy look that this mascara gives me. Be careful, too many coats will leave you looking like Tammi Faye getting her face devoured by a tarantula. http://www.drugstore.com
5) NARS Powder Blush in Sin ($25) – I’ll admit that for the longest time I wasn’t really big on blush, you know, being colored and all. I decided to test the waters with this berry shade and have been in love ever since. It leaves cheeks looking just pinched without looking overdone. http://www.narscosmetics.com
*Bonus Product* NARS Powder Bronzer in Casino ($28) – This isn’t a product I would say I use on a daily basis, but for days I want to give my face a little extra “oomph”, bronzer is the key to getting that healthy “I really wake up looking this radiant” glow. Just a dusting over my cheeks, forehead, chin, and nose does the trick every time. http://www.narscosmetics.com
;-)