I've been in a bit of a funny mood lately. I mainly attribute it to the anxiety I've been feeling about The Editor (if you haven't known he's the one I've been talking about all this time, you're a dumb ass, lol). As I mentioned in my last post, it seems as though we're drifting a bit. The fireworks have died town to a faint fizzle and the snap has lost it's crackle and pop (yeah, I know, that was mad lame). Per usual I've been here stressing myself out over how I can fix it and make it all better but I'm too scared to come out and ask him how he feels about the situation. You'd think that with the relationship we have I wouldn't be so afraid to bring this up, but I think we all know how I feel about getting hurt. The girls think that it's normal to have a few dry conversations every once in a while as often as we talk and I suppose not being able to see each doesn't help either (I'm taking up a collection for my trip to Atlanta as we speak. I accept checks, money orders, and of course cash. Oh yeah, and let me know if you have a hook up at the W, lol). I do take into consideration that being on line and going to step practice every night has taken a lot out of him, but I just can't help feeling as though his interest in me (if there was any at all) has wained a bit. Then again, he does still want to talk to me since he still calls me. I don't know, I just want to know what's up before I do something rash. I was tempted to call Poisonous and tell him that I'd take him back, hell I was close to hitting up Big Business to tell him I was in town. Yeah, I was feeling that bad. It's so easy for me to get discouraged when I don't know the whole situation, but I never know the whole situation because I'm so scared to speak up. It's a delightfully ironic Catch-22. Anywho, now that the cat is officially out of the bag...where do we stand?
Well, now that I've gotten that off of my chest (insert big boob joke here), on to the real topic of this post. I've been doing a lot of less-than-upbeat entries lately, and it's been bothering me. I'm a bubbly girl who has just been looking at life in a way I really don't like. I've been through helluva lot and while these events have shaped the woman I have become, I can't allow them to rule me. It ain't easy, but then again what is? So to keep maintaining a positive outlook, I'm going to reflect on all the things that have put a smile on my face as of late:
- I got to kick it with the girls last night (sans Nancy Drew, who's still stuck in DC for the time being). It was just great to spend some quality time with them again, since we're slowly starting to branch off into the "real world". We kicked it in Harlem for a bit and had an uber-glam good time with each other. I am so blessed to have such a great core group of friends in my life, even if they call me names like "without a trace", lmao :-D
- While my mom, grandma, and Ashanti were at Ashanti's father funeral on Saturday, I got to spend some quality big sis/little sis time with Kiara. Boy is that child full of energy!! She didn't stay still until I decided to paint her little toenails red (A-list by Essie to be exact). She was so excited when I was done, and my mom cracked up when she saw her 2-year-old daughter with nails the same color as her 22-year-old daughter's. Anyway, I was just happy to spend that time with pookie. I don't get to see her as often as I should, but I for as long as I can I am going to make sure that I serve as a positive female figure in her life.
- I feel confident about these internship interviews I went on last week. Out of the two I went on there's one that I want soooooo bad, and I'm trying not to jinx myself and say I've got it in the bag. I might give then a call later to see if there's close to a decision though, since we know I'm not the most patient chick when it comes to things of this magnitude. I'm also hoping to get some type of part-time desk job so I can at least have a little cash on the side to play Sex & The City with the girls over the summer. At any rate wish me luck on both fronts :-)
- I started Weight Watchers again this week, and I'm going to stay on it this time, lol!
- Speaking of Big Business, The Editor still needs to send him a thank you card....lmao!
- I'm happy to be alive. Some assholes were plotting to detonate a bomb that was set to go off by Kennedy Airport (15 minutes away from my house) that would blow up all of New York and parts of Jersey. Thankfully the government has been on their grind listening in on their plans and arrested them before they were about to get the materials they needed. God is so good y'all!
I think that's it for now, but at least it's setting the framework for my positive thinking. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to finishing unpacking my half full suitcase that's been sitting here for days, lol. Smooches!
Life, Love, & LipglossThe Beauty-ful Misadventures of *vanity kane*
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Posted by *vanity kane* at 3:49 PM
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1 Comments:
Luv ya, ND