• Reason #75 why "Sex & The City" is the truth - last night after I ended my last rant I started flipping though channels I stumbled across an episode in which Carrie posed the question, "Has the fear of being alone led women to 'faking it'?" Going far beyond faking orgasms (which I'll have you know I am totally against), we as women have begun to fake entire relationships based on the fear of growing old as a spinster. That same fear is exactly why I told Poisonous that I'd give him another chance. See y'all, don't sleep on "Sex & The City", it's mad deep, lol!
• While we're on the subject of fear {sigh}, I will admit that I was a way out of pocket with some of the things I said in my last entry and it was extremely passive-aggressive. Do you blame me though? I was angry and hurt, not angry at him per say, just about the situation. I felt foolish and silly for putting myself out there (yet again) only to get my feelings hurt. I misconstrued his friendship and genuine respect for me as something more because quite frankly I've never had that type of relationship with a guy. Ever. It's funny though, because at first after I told him how I felt I was fairly relieved when he told me that he was checking for me or anyone for that matter. It damn near brought a tear to my eye when he said to me, "Why would I tell you that you deserve better than these trifling guys you deal with then turn around and become one of them? Because you really do deserve better." After he told me that I was feeling pretty damn good about life. because in that moment I knew that there wasn't anything wrong with me, his head just wasn't in the place to be boo-ed up at the moment. I was most concerned about our friendship staying in tact, because that's really what matters to me the most. It still is what matters to me the most. Needless to say when the thought of him getting ready to throw that whole "I'm not looking for a relationship" thing out the window when a chick from his past came back around I got quite rilled up. Especially considering the fact that she did him so wrong and the fact that he didn't even want to come out and tell me. It struck me as odd because we rarely ever hold things back from each other, so yeah, my sensitive ass lashed out. Should I have talked to him about it first? Of course, but I know that whatever I had to say would have come out all wrong or far worse than what I wrote because through my eyes it appears as though he's not trying to be with me, but he can deal with the other chick. It's not fair for me to assume that's the case, maybe after both of us cool off a bit this might become a topic of discussion.
• All this thinking and contemplation has me wanting to get back to campus so that I can go back to therapy. Just as I thought I was making some progress.

Alright, this is all I've got in me right now. I'm going to go find something to occupy my mind. I might actually start working this business plan. Or maybe I'll just read a book. Either way, I need to channel all this bad energy. Until next time...