1. Do 2 test photo shoots a month: In an effort to start build a strong portfolio, I am making it mandatory that I have at least 2 tests scheduled each month. In the beauty world you're only as good as your book and to compete with all the other tons of girls (and guys) who are all going out for the same paid gigs, you have to cut your creative teeth on TFP (time for portfolio) work. Sometimes you get some really great shots from these TFP shoots, and it give you the freedom to be as creative as you'd like. It also allows you to network with other great up-and-coming talent you can collaborate with later on when the big money does start being offered :-)
   
2. Learn how to do some light hairstyling: Another way for me to hone my skills in order to be more competitive in the industry is to learn how to do some light hairstyling. There are some gigs that don't have a budget for both hair and makeup, so sometimes clients seek out a makeup artist that can style hair as well. Nothing extreme like cuts and color, just simple blowouts and updos and straight styles. I'm all for acquiring any additional skills needed to help me maximize my income honey!
   
3. Start applying to the assistant's lists at various hair/makeup/styling agencies: By the time June 2011 comes along I hope that I'm far enough into taking care of goals 1 & 2 to set this goal into motion. Being an assistant with an agency represented makeup artist would open up more opportunities to not only make some nice dough, it also will begin getting me noticed by some of the top creative talent agencies in the city. By the time I'm 30 I hope to have my own agency representation and starting as an assistant now will get me on my way to achieving that goal.
   
4. Have my business website completed: Again in the vain of getting my name out there and establishing my brand. While it's important to have a hard copy or your portfolio, our digital age has allowed us new ways to not only communicate with old friends from kindergarten (thanks social networking!) but to reach potential business contacts as well. Since I don't want potential collaborators and clients all up in my Facebook business, a separate "work" website is super necessary. I have already started tinkering with my website using Wix.com but of course the content will come from having goals 1 & 2 squared away (anyone seeing a pattern here?). I've also set this goal to be "completed" by Summer 2011. Art is an ever evolving process, so in that respect my website will truly never be "done", but you get the point.
   
5. Lose 30 pounds: I'm so serious this year! Looking back at pictures of me while I was still at Howard and comparing to how I look now, my former coke bottle figure is slowly trying to become a 2 liter - SO not fly. Luckily when I work at it, I can whip myself back into shape in pretty decent time and most of the weight I lose and gain is in my waistline (the boobs never go anywhere *happy dance*). The challenge is just getting back into the routine of working out regularly. I guess taking it easy on my habit of sweet treats and drinking more water are also quite necessary for this goal to be reached. Hold me to it guys!!!
   
6. Read my bible more: Over this past year I have been making great strides in getting my spiritual life together and while I have had a great deal of spiritual growth, there's still plenty of work to be done. Reading the bible for myself and independently deciphering what the scriptures mean that I don't always have to look to others to do it for me. My talks with the big G-O-D might even sounds more intelligent after a while, LoL.
   
7. Revamp my beauty blog: Like I've said before, LL&L was originally suppose to be 80% beauty blog and 20% about my personal life. We all know how that actually turned out. In yet another plot to build my brand I think that building a separate blog for just beauty stuff will aid in establishing myself as the beauty guru that I am. I has a mission to do that 4 years ago and I need to just doing (like Nike and stuff). There's no reason that I can't have a successful, well read beauty blog with all the knowledge I possess and the unique voice I have (at least I hope its unique). I just need to buckle down and do it, especially since this new blog is going to involve very frequent posting (details to come soon dolls).
   
8. Give back!: As corny as it sounds, I really feel strongly about giving back and I have come up with some ways to do that through my church. We currently don't have a clothing bank and thanks to my background with Dress for Success, I think that's a project that would not only be fulfilling for me but beneficial to my community. The other project I thought about was doing makeup workshops for women of all ages. As someone who has (and is still) battling with self-confidence and appreciating both my outer and inner beauty, I have always been very passionate about helping other women conquer those demons. I've already started mapping out the tentative outline for the workshop, so I'm already getting a jump on this goal!
   
9. Finally get my driver's license: Even though I live in a city where public transportation is practically a way of life, I will not be a real grown up until I know how to drive. Period.
   
10. Be comfortable in my own skin: I've been me for almost 26 years now, but that hasn't been an easy journey. Between loving others and trying to be everything to everyone, it's not always easy to address the issue of fully loving myself. This year has certainly been an exploration of that fact. While this will be a long standing process, I need to follow my own advice and accept myself for who and what God created me to be. Quirks, thick thighs and all :-)
    

1) I was a really big *Nsync fan. Like, fanatical big. I have seen them 3 times in concert (including the Madison Square Garden show that was filmed for HBO), I kept three 3” binders packed full of various posters, magazine articles and other tidbits about the group, and you couldn’t tell me that I wasn’t going to have mulatto babies with Justin Timberlake. I even accidentally flashed J.C. Chasez at a show in D.C. (it really was an accident, I swear!). To me, they will always be the greatest boy band ever. Well aside from New Edition. Which brings me to…

2) From about until I was 7 or so, I refused to go to bed without listening to New Edition. I would throw a fit if my mother didn’t let me fall sleep to Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky, Mike, and Ralph. “If It Isn’t Love” is one of my favorite songs J

3) I love reading [Crunk + Disorderly]. Not just because of the content, but because of the ridiculous post tags they have made up. Gems like “I can do all things through Yaki that strengthens me”, “Go ahead and sell that ass girl”, and “My pussy sits up real nice in my shorts” leave me dying of laughter each and everyday.

4) If I really like you, I will more than likely bake you your favorite dessert from scratch or whip up one of my classics to show it. After whipping up said dessert, I will present it to you wearing something very cute. I mean, what’s better than having a sweet treat serving you a sweet treat? ;-)

5) Mariah Carey is my favorite singer. I love her way more than I love Beyoncé. I even have the Glitter album. Don’t hate, that ish was great, LOL!

6) The girls believe that I am going to marry a nice older man who will love me beyond belief.

7) I love them for wanting that for me J

8) Back when I was in 5^th grade and the mid 90’s were in full swing, I though that Pamela Anderson was the coolest chick ever. I attribute that to the fact that she made it cool to have big boobs – natural or fake, lol

9) Since age 3 in my stilettos been struttin’ in this game – literally. There is photographic proof me wearing a pair of my mother’s stiletto pumps and fishnet stockings. That day sealed my fabulous fate. I am still trying to find this pic actually.

10) I was 5 when my middle sister was born. I wanted to name her so I named her Claviaca. Don’t ask why I named her such a thing, I was clearly 5, lol

11) I have always had a very active imagination, and it tends to run away with me more often than not.

12) My first crush was Curtis from the comic strip of the same name. Don’t judge me, I told you about my imagination, LOL!

13) I am probably not as stuck up as I let on to be.

14) Deep down inside I am not just a gay man, but I am a drag queen. I heart those bitches.

15) I wanted to be a video girl most of my sophomore year at Howard – up until I saw Uncut for the first time. Trust and believe I changed my mind about that with a quickness!

16) I have noticed that most of my no-homo girl crushes are on chicks who like a bit like me. I feel like that proves I’m a bit conceited, lmao!

17) Even after all the heartache I have been through, I still believe that I will have my fairy tale love story.

18) I really wish I could have a Barbie doll modeled after me. That would be über-glamorous indeed.

19) I was quite an acrobat in my younger days. The most chronicled story of my acrobatics was when I was 1 or 2 I climbed up our couch, into the window to the kitchen, found a box of pretzels and proceeded to eat them. Mind you I didn’t do this just once, but twice. Everyone thought my grandfather was the one that put me on the table until he took pictures outlining the whole process of my stunt. That and the fact that I was being a fatty.

20) I want to write a book one day, and that is actually the main reason why Life, Love and Lipgloss came to be. I wanted an arena to practice writing about my life experiences in order to help other girls who may be dealing with similar issues. You’re still not alone ladies!

21) I was a child model for a brief moment in time. A VERY brief moment. I was actually in a textbook back in the day. I couldn’t tell you the name of it or anything though, sorry, LOL.

22) I am a minimalist beauty junkie. Even though I have a cosmetics arsenal that rivals any high end department store, the only products I use on a regular basis are lipgloss, mascara and a hint of blush. Coincidentally those are probably the 3 things I would need to survive if I was stranded on a desert island. That and Vin Diesel…and Trey Songz…

23) One of the things I am most self-conscious about (my smile) is one of the things I get complimented on the most.

24) I love bad 90’s pop music. I am not ashamed to say that Aqua, Amber, Real McCoy and Ace of Base are just a sampling of the artists from my childhood that I enjoy.

25) I’m not really that into chocolate, I only like certain chocolate things (namely Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups) and that is when the mood strikes me. If you really want to get on my good side, bring me vanilla cupcakes J

• Reason #75 why "Sex & The City" is the truth - last night after I ended my last rant I started flipping though channels I stumbled across an episode in which Carrie posed the question, "Has the fear of being alone led women to 'faking it'?" Going far beyond faking orgasms (which I'll have you know I am totally against), we as women have begun to fake entire relationships based on the fear of growing old as a spinster. That same fear is exactly why I told Poisonous that I'd give him another chance. See y'all, don't sleep on "Sex & The City", it's mad deep, lol!
• While we're on the subject of fear {sigh}, I will admit that I was a way out of pocket with some of the things I said in my last entry and it was extremely passive-aggressive. Do you blame me though? I was angry and hurt, not angry at him per say, just about the situation. I felt foolish and silly for putting myself out there (yet again) only to get my feelings hurt. I misconstrued his friendship and genuine respect for me as something more because quite frankly I've never had that type of relationship with a guy. Ever. It's funny though, because at first after I told him how I felt I was fairly relieved when he told me that he was checking for me or anyone for that matter. It damn near brought a tear to my eye when he said to me, "Why would I tell you that you deserve better than these trifling guys you deal with then turn around and become one of them? Because you really do deserve better." After he told me that I was feeling pretty damn good about life. because in that moment I knew that there wasn't anything wrong with me, his head just wasn't in the place to be boo-ed up at the moment. I was most concerned about our friendship staying in tact, because that's really what matters to me the most. It still is what matters to me the most. Needless to say when the thought of him getting ready to throw that whole "I'm not looking for a relationship" thing out the window when a chick from his past came back around I got quite rilled up. Especially considering the fact that she did him so wrong and the fact that he didn't even want to come out and tell me. It struck me as odd because we rarely ever hold things back from each other, so yeah, my sensitive ass lashed out. Should I have talked to him about it first? Of course, but I know that whatever I had to say would have come out all wrong or far worse than what I wrote because through my eyes it appears as though he's not trying to be with me, but he can deal with the other chick. It's not fair for me to assume that's the case, maybe after both of us cool off a bit this might become a topic of discussion.
• All this thinking and contemplation has me wanting to get back to campus so that I can go back to therapy. Just as I thought I was making some progress.

Alright, this is all I've got in me right now. I'm going to go find something to occupy my mind. I might actually start working this business plan. Or maybe I'll just read a book. Either way, I need to channel all this bad energy. Until next time...